WHEN I STOPPED LOOKING, HE STARTED DOING
I had come across this hurdle before; I knew the smell of it, the look of it, even the feel. So I did what I knew to do, I called on Him like He said I should when I lost my way, or when the load got too heavy, he promised he could bear it, so I went to sleep knowing He could do the damage control.
First thing the next morning, I awake and there it is, the hurdle, still as painful, irritating, challenging, controlling, scary and I thought to myself, why did he not take this away, I can’t do this anymore. In my state of disappointment, I go on like that, struggling, maneuvering, just to make sure I could live with it since I got myself here and He is not helping as I was taught he will when I call.
I lost faith in trying, daring, I had gotten accustomed to the pain, or so I thought. Then I heard the message again saying I could cast it all on Him. In my desperation I took a seat and I had Him seat, at least that is what I felt He did as I looked at the empty seat before me, with tears running down my eyes, I asked why, why, why did you not take the burden, you told me I could cast it on you, that you cared for me more than anyone else could ever, how could you fail me like man would? I felt his loving look pierce through my soul as He said, I am not man, I cannot fail, but you limit me. How? I retorted. Simply by holding on to what you assume you cast on me, you asked for my help, but each day you slept with your pain and woke up with it, walked through your routine wearing it like a cloak, even when you let it go, you kept looking at the hurdle. So what will you have me do then? I asked, now more patiently. Just stop looking, and then I will start doing that which you seek.
I ventured again, but the hurdle is big, the pain is deep, the mess is huge, the fear is overwhelming… Yes, he replied, I think you are forgetting something, my darling, I am bigger, it’s not for nothing that I am called Almighty, stop looking and I will start doing!
28TH JUNE 2010